Well...things have been pretty busy for me! Got a job! YAY! It's tough but it's really interesting and definitely fulfilling :D I absolutely love it there! The people have been great to me...and i've learnt a lot of new things...i've wrinkled my fingers washing pans and separators (don't ask)...been screwing a bit of my brains on the make table (again don't ask)...i'll probably move on to aux in a bit and also cutting...i dunno...but i love doing back of house! Oh, and bonus! I actually like the uniform...hahakz...been working three days in a row...supposed to work on christmas but i called earlier and they said i didn't need to go...so YAY!! Going JB later on...i can't wait to shop shop shop!!
Fell asleep before 1:49 AM

I don't know anything anymore.
I don't know who I am. I don't know what to do. I don't know what I want to do.
Lately, i feel like there's this huge empty hole in my life. Maybe I'm just thinking too much. But maybe I'm so used to doing something, like going to school that when I'm actually not, I feel useless. Ha! That doesn't count the fact that I'm jobless as well. Call me lazy, heck, call me whatever you want! At least then i'm identified to you.
Reading. It's useless really. I've been reading too much to realise life is nothing like any of those shit i read. I'm just using a book to escape reality and the truth that is always in my face. I guess I'll never grow up. I'll always be trapped inside dreamland, writing my own stories when all i'm doing is lying to myself.
I'm lost. I'm drowned. Everytime I reach the surface, with a glimmer of hope that I'd find something waiting for me, a wave just crashes over me and I'll keep drowning again. Maybe I'm not meant to grow up. Maybe I'll just keep trying to claw my way up an endless wall.
I don't even know who to turn to anymore.
I don't even know if i initially had someone to turn to.
I don't want to keep faking positivity and smile like everything's fine. Because it's not. I'm hollow. I don't have life in me. I'm without soul, without spirit. I'm here...
But I'm not feeling it...
Fell asleep before 2:04 AM

I'm curious...
The heart works in the most weirdest way possible and yet it's supposed to be the most beautiful part of a person. Sometimes I wonder if it's just a wall, and obstruction to the clear path of a person's mind. Think about it: your mind works wonders. It tells you to do one thing. But at the same time it tells you another thing. It clashes your thoughts. So why blame it on the heart? Scientifically, it just pumps blood and keeps you alive. It doesn't help you make decisions at all...
Makes sense?
Don't worry if it doesn't...Now my mind's clashed with thoughts.
Now that, is one person's point of view, mostly mine. I can't seem to work out how the heart plays a role in...love.
Hmph...what is love?
I don't know it at all. The mind doesn't work that way. "It's like the wind. You can't see it but you can feel it". You can feel love. But if love's just in a state of mind, how do you feel your thoughts? I don't see a connection between your heart and you mind. I might have studied literature, but i think my mind's pretty much emotionless. I don't know how to feel love at all. I'm not finding for love and it's not coming to me. And that's fine. I'm not complaining.
I've heard so many people say, you only feel love once.
And I'm beginning to know why. I can't seem to understand how infatuation can be mixed up with something as strong as love. Is it in the mind too? Do you blame the heart again? I don't know. I don't want to hear people saying they love somebody one minute and another person the next. I want to live to see a person, for his or her entire life tell me that he or she is in love once. That's real beauty.
And real beauty comes from your heart...
Fell asleep before 11:45 PM